Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Lets Play! UN Squadron

Alright!  It's that time again.  Yup, we gonna play some SNES games again.  This time we got UN Squadron.  Enjoy!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Raid night shenanigans!

WOOH!  Guess what!  It's farm night!  Yayyyyyyyyy.  Man.  I love farm nights.  You can just do stupid shit, and there's a 98% chance that it won't suck as bad as progression nights.  You get loots, it's easy because people know what the fuck is going on.  Yeah it's old content.  But hey, it's a good time to dick around with different things. 

Please ignore the fact that this Blood DK is dual wielding. KTHXBAI
You know what, I'm gonna go as a Blood DK tonight.  YEAH!  FUCK UNHOLY DK's.  Yeah, I said it.  Fuck them and their dumbass ghouls and gargoyles and shit.  Bone armor?  More like BONED armor am i rite?  I hate having to spec unholy.  Them and their snobby top raid dps capabilities.  Bullshit, I want to be mediocre!  HURRAH!  Who wants to see lots of Heart strikes!?  Cammaaaannnn.  Yeah, I'm doin it.  IT IS DONE.
Anyone else find this picture badass?  Cuz I do.
Ahhh.  Oh yeah.  I also got PEGGLE!  So Bejeweled is riding the bench for a bit.  I got a new hotness to burn the time we take sitting around giving out buffs.  Which is roughly 13 mins a pull on progression nights.  I've timed it.  Now I can duel with other people's balls, plink balls off of stuff, I can even make my balls more talented.  And then I'll play peggle.  Add this to the list of things I can do during raid to wipe us. 

Well to watch all the shenanigans just tune into my raid stream.  Raid starts at 9:00pm Pacific Standard Time.  You know the link:

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Wier's Short Nostalgia Game Review!

To keep in step with my good pal the Holynub I've decided to provide the world with a short review of one of the first games I ever played on the SNES. (That's the Super Nintendo Entertainment System for you people who are not even as old as my SNES)

This game is probably one of the best most legendary hack and slash games that was ever created.

Yes, you guessed it my friends... Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time

Let us begin!

For some people the Ninja Turtles mean a lot. For most people they mean absolutely nothing. To me they mean hours spent mashing A, B, X and I think Y until finally I won the game. Turtles in Time had one of the most interesting features that I had ever seen in a video game. Multiplayer. I'm not talking about logging into your "internet" with your "google" and playing with your "friends", I am talking about getting physical human beings to sit their ass down next to you in front of your 12 inch television screen that had nail polish on the buttons because your sisters are evil. And it's not just the T.V. that has been vandalized it was the entire console, it had glittery paint all over it like someone unleashed the bedazzler from hell to consume the poor little creature's electronic soul. That's right, back in the early days consoles had souls and we all believed in the Earth Mother, but that's another story for another time (maybe an Illusions of Gaia review...).

The BEST part about the multiplayer was being able to choose from a diverse cast of characters with their own unique personalities. The type of in depth story telling and character development that really makes you feel for your character when his health bar goes down.

I mean look at those unique options! The blue bandanna turtle with DUAL WIELD SWORDS (Leonardo), the orange bandanna turtle with swingy doos (numchuks I think, he's Michelangelo), Donatello the purple bandana staff wielder (and not a pansy caster like most things that use staves these days, he straight up smacked the hell out of people!) and of course the red bandanna tsai wielding emotional nut bar Raphael.

Each one of these characters provides a unique persepective on the story because they each swing a different weapon and are a different color. If you're blue with swords and have always wondered what it was like to be red with tsais then you can experience both of these in Turtles in Time.

Now, if you thought that I have maxed out any credibility I have by telling you nothing about the actual story of the game then hold on to your horses because here it comes!

That's right, THE SHREDDER IS ON AMERICAN IDOL!!!!!!!!! Well, he could be. Anyway, the Shredder (Named for the fact that he shreds things with his ridiculous Ginsu knife armor) is a very bad man. So bad that he taunts the turtle on live television as if he were Osama Bin Laden. What else does the Shredder have in common with terrorists? Well he has stolen the Statue of Liberty, that's right, he hates Liberty.

Hey that's two articles with the Statue of Liberty... I smell conspiracy! Well, that's basically what the plot is. I forget why he wants to Statue of Liberty, but I think he was planning on turning it loose as a weapon of mass destruction (TERRORIST) by converting it into a giant robot (GUNDAM TERRORIST) and of course using it to finally defeat that giant ass Stay Puff Marshmallow Man (GHOST BUSTING TERRORIST). Unfortunately for the Turtles this means that they have to CHASE the Shredder around like a Saturday morning cartoon villain (since that's literally what he is). This results in the most worthwhile story and game mechanic ever contrived by modern man, you guessed it, TIME TRAVEL YAY! I love time travel because that is the only thing that could possibly explain well...this;

Yeah, that's an alligator with a cowboy hat fighting you on a train. I dare you to explain that plot point without time travel. Much like the plot of LOST this game is strangely linear while being completely confusing.

So how fun is the game you ask? If you have live actual friends that want to be near you and play a great beat 'em up game that borders on seductively addicting then this game is extremely fun. Despite all of the ridiculous parts of this game it is a fantastic nod to some of the greatest cartoon heroes of all time. Spider man? Bat man? No my friends, nothing quite beats the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

That is why this game will get Four polite Shredders out of Five.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Lets Play! With Holynub!

Oh yeah!  We got vidyas now!  Check it out.  Holynub's playin video games.  So what else is new?  These are called Lets Play videos.  They're just people playing old rom'd games and commenting on them.  Kinda like that Mario Frustration video i posted a while back.  I thought I might give it a shot.  It's pretty fun.  I guess this will be our little "retro" portion of the Report.  I think it's pretty badass.

If you got something nostalgic that you'd like to see me play, just drop a comment here or on the youtube page.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy VD! Luv the Holynub Report

Goddamnit internet.
Le sigh... It's that time of year again.  Call it what you will.  Valentines Day/Love is In The Air World Event/VD/Too Much Heart Shaped Chocolate Day/Week Before Diabetes Awareness Week/Single's Awareness Day is a time for mourning love.  In honor of this dumbass holiday, lets take a look at some of the most pimpingest games out there.  You know, those games that always has the main character surrounded by bitches well mannered and intelligent women.  And you're like, AWWWW YEAHHHH.  WAT!?  Don't give me that look.  Ey! Shut up.  You know you were checking them out.  Yes this is sexist.  Wait what?  Of course they're over 18.  At least I think so...  Look if you're gonna be upset about me being a sexist pig, you are on the wrong blog.  Bom chiki wow wow.

Mass Effect Series

Soon after, they made out.
Just finished the 2nd in the series and I must say, I AM THE MAN.  Oh yeah, the ladies love me.  The game totally sets you up to be a ultra ladies man.  It's basically why you play the goddamn game.  Yeah yeah, story, save galaxy, fighting, yeah yeah.(I am totally turning a blind eye to the whole "you can make Shepard a female."  Because Holy don't play dat!)

A nice little compilation of things you can do in Mass Effect 2 ;)
You can go and woo basically anyone on your crew.  It's awesome!  To make it better, they add a nice variety of women.  Not just, female A or B.  You get cross species choices!  It's like a buffet!  Chase some Asari tail, or maybe you want some Quarian?  How bout a good ol' fashion human?  Awww yeah.  Not only do you woo them with your awesome manly dialog, you also get to sleep with them!  Which, I must add, drew a lot of fire from certain news sources(They claimed it was pr0nz.  I'd rant about that, but I'm not gonna go there.  I'd like to not have my head asplode.)

Chrono Trigger

They love the silent type.  Well, I'm fucked.
Crono(Or whatever you named him) was a player.  Come on.  Come onnnnn.  You know he was.  Him being all strong and silent.  That was how he ROLLED.  Look at all of your party members.  Luka, hawt nerdy girl and childhood friend. Marle, rebel princess that clearly digs you from the start.  She even does a little damsel in distress part.  Cavewoman chief Alya, she wears basically a fur bikini and has a cat tail.. A CAT TAIL.  And they be all over Crono.  The man doesn't even talk!  Man... I wish I had that much game.  OH WAIT! I DO!  Because I play him.

Metal Gear Solid 4

A camo rating of <3
I can hear you all being like, "WOAH WOAH WOAH.  Holy you've said some dumb shit before, but this is nut-slapping retarded." Hear me out here.  Solid Snake got GAME.  Even when he's all wrinkled old man, he's gotta fight to get women off of him.  Meryl still wanted him.  But he was so bad ass, he was like "Naww girl, you so PS1." Then there's Naomi (Cleavage) Hunter.  She was all coming on to him in South America.  She freakin tells him to take all his clothes off.  They montaged through things, but I still say he showed her his "SOLID SNAKE."  Mei Ling has been hitting on snake since Metal Gear Solid.  She's like, I got a Chinese proverb for you in my pants.  Am I rite? w0rd.

Snake did all 4 of them.  Yes he did. (Picture by
Snake tamed the entire Beauty & Beast squadron.  COME ON!  A squad made entirely of super-models.  And after he beats them in battle, they're all like. SLEEP WITH ME SNAKE in their skin tight suits and stuff.... Yeahhhhhh...  It was awesome...

God of War

Oh yes.. There is a God... of War.....
Kratos.  Sex Mini-game. Boobs.  Repeatable.  Twice(Third game has one too. To be seen).  THE MAN.  Nuff said.

Fable II

Not pictured - non-whores
In a game where you can do almost whatever you want, why NOT be a pimp?  You can have many many wives.  Go go polygamy.  Hell, I basically married every woman in the game.  My basic strategy was "Do you have boobs?  Marry me."  I made enough children to populate a small army.  Wat?  Someone's gotta rebuild the kingdom's army.  Might as well be me.  The biggest bad ass of them all.  Don't worry ladies, I got the stamina of a CHAMPION!  As well as every STD known to man.

Harvest Moon

I'm Building a harem!
Heh heh heh.  I can hear you through the internet.  That palm slapping the face.  YEAH I WENT THERE.  Harvest Moon is fo rael pl4y4z.  Don't believe me?  You are basically the only eligible bastard in the small "middle of butt-fuck nowhere" town.  You are now the owner of the largest property in town.  And apparently the town is filled with lonely women that will marry you if you give them enough cabbage(IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN! ZING!~).  What else are you going to do in Harvest Moon?  FARM!?  Lets be real.  You play Harvest Moon to hit on women.  End of story.  Nope, not hearing any of it.

Most awesome card evar.
Be it your girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other/wife/husband/right hand/left hand, you're gonna be spending time with someone this Valentines Day.  BUT NOT ME!  Buwahahahhaahaa.  Suckers.  I aint spending any money or buying candy or any of that silly froo froo crap. No sir!  I be pimping it up in dem games yo! Yeah!  Wooh... Yeahhh... Wheeeee... Fun...  I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep.

Whoever you may be.  Bawwwwww.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

More Holynub Raid Streams!

 Reinforcements have arrived
So while I was out signing my autographs to my millions of fans, some peoples was liek, "Oh plx Mr. Holynub sir.  How can I be as awesome as you are?"  And i'm like, "You can't.  But you can get your own live stream." But nawwww, i asked for help.  I didn't think it was fair to everyone to only see my awesomeness.  I believe that other players must watch the raid from different perspectives.  That way they can see my awesome in more angles.  Switch to healer, BAM! Holynub is awesome.  Switch to MT, BAM!  Look at that sexy holynub.  Aww yeah.

Without further self-promoting, here are the streams!
Satellite Guild Raid Schedule:
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
9:00PM - 12:00AM PST

HOLYNUB(The great)-

Glorf(The australian) - - Having Lag issues

Laurewen(The tree) -

Soon to come:
Gell(The borked) - (he fixing things)

Come raid with us raid!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Robot Unicorn Attack

I dunno something about this game is just... magical.

visual approximation

"Always, I wanna beeee with you and make beeeelieve with you! and live in harmony harmony always."

No one knows why the robot unicorn feels the need to collect fairies and destroy giant stars or why it is hellbent on a path of self and world destruction. A weird 12 year old girls binder come to life? An alternate "Speed" the movie reenactment where the dolphin terrorists are actually taunting you on your accelerating trot of doom and not encouraging you? A great waste of a few minutes? You make the call.

**Holy posted because he loves teh game.  Thordyn wrote it.**

Friday, February 5, 2010

DPSing in WoW can be hard

Now with this easy flow chart you can be a L337 dps too!

Thursday, February 4, 2010


WHAT IS THIS!?  Do my eyes decieve me!  Don't change that channel folks, because this is fo real yo.  Buwhahahahhahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!  I am slowly taking over teh interwebs.  BEHOLD!  My once simple obscure blog is now, HOLYNUB.COM!  Yes. It looks the same.  Operates the same.  BUT GODDAMNUT!  It's a real goddamn domain name!  Update your bookmarks!  Wait. people bookmark this?  SWEET!  That's one small step for Nub.  One giant leap in fail.