Friday, August 15, 2008

Ace Pilot Christiansen checking in for duty

Sup internet bitches! Well... looks like I've been duped (that word means getting drunk against my will right?) into being a contributor on this page, of which upon inspection is about video games and the word fuck. Well I love both so lets get rumble tumblin... fuckers.

<---- visual approximation

Ace Pilot Eric Christiansen was born an Ace Pilot, which is to say that he actually flew out of his mother's womb in a F-22 Raptor fighter jet. He bombed the shit out of that womb and he knew there was no RTB for him. He was different then the other kids. Stronger. Faster. Sexier. Bigger by at least 2 inches. He knew that he was meant for something great, but what?

He went to highschool in Hawaii, a seemingly normal teenager. He excelled at most things: kicking ass, taking names and chewing bubblegum. Unfortunately, for him this was a private school and kicking ass and taking names were not appropriate subject matter to be studied. Also chewing gum wasn't allowed. While these were all viable and time honored extra-curricular activities, he needed to find something to engage his restless mind. While, theoretical physics and complex biological systems were fascinating to the young Eric, he found himself enthralled by the seemingly intangible nature that was the visual arts. So began his journey...

One fateful day, as the young Eric was chewing bubble gum AND walking at the same time he bumped into a guy as giant as himself and with the most immaculate gleaming bowl cut he had ever seen. "What's your name?" he asked.
"Chun-Hori, Matt Chun-Hori."
"Alright, Chun-Hori Matt Chun-Hori, prepare to get your ass kicked!" the Young Eric said as he wrote down Chun-Hori Matt Chun-Hori on his yellow notepad.
"No wait! Lets take this battle to the virtual world."

And so the Young Eric and Chun-Hori Matt Chun-Hori went and played copious amounts of video games and many a noob was owned in their wake.

I am going to be doing the design for the site and as well contributing with my own video game reviews and retrospectives. I trust Jeff and Chun-Hori Matt Chun-Hori to handle most of the mainstream console gaming, so I will be focusing mainly on anything that might have slipped through the cracks.

Next week I will be reviewing internet flash games.

oh and...