Tuesday, August 19, 2008

World of Lovecraft

As I sit here clicking on people's names in this little grid box and pressing 2 on my keyboard, I begin to slip into the stream of World of Warcraft subconscious and ponder philosophical meanings of things related to WoW.

I'ma castin mah healan!

I'm a healer. DUH. It's like the Mystery Men movie. I'd be like the shoveler except it's like. "I'm the healer. I heal well." I got my priest, pally, druid, shaman all capable of healing specs. Granted the priest and pally are well more geared for it, but they're all gee too gee. Some people out there might be thinking, "WTF is wrong with this guy? Who the hell likes to not kill things and do big damage. Healing?! How boring is that. NOOB." And to those people, I'll remember that. When i'm not healing you and letting you get a 50g repair bill. OHhh not doing so great DPS when you're dead now are you? Or maybe I'll let you sit at about 10% and let you crap your pants and listen to your feeble pleas for salvation by my GLORIOUS HEALS! BUWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!! TEH POWAH! TEEEHHH POOOWWWAAAAHHHHHRRRRRARGBALLALLFALFJDJFKLA!!!!

Make love, not warcraft

I thought about this one time. When i was screaming on vent solo healing a tank during some 40 man. Might have been MC, when all the healers ate shit and died and I was the lone gunman. The tank was a little disturbed afterwards. The dialouge went something like this.

Raid Leader: Crap. Holy, you're the only healer left. Keep the tank up and lets burn it down.
Me: OHHHH YEEAAAAHHHHH! LETS DO DIS!!! YOU LIKE DAT! YOU LIKE DAT!?!?!?!?!
(Then i stand up and start doing hip thrusts while healing the tank)
Me: YOU TAKE THAT HEAL! AWWW HERE COMES A BIG ONE! BOOOOOM!!!!!
Raid Warning: Boss Dead
RL: I can't belive that just fucking happened.
Tank:Please... don't do that again...
Me: Was that as good for you as it was for me?
Tank: *cries*

Boy, I needed a cigarette after that one. But this leads to my theory of the nature of healing is. It's more like "sexual healing." Sexual... HEALING BABY! Erhm. What are you doing when you're "healing" someone? You're bringing life back into them. Oh come on. You don't really think that just changing some biblical bullshit or throwing leaves actually does anything. You gotta keep that green bar up. And keep it up as long as you can. Boy... This makes healing pretty gay sounding. Unless your tank is female then it's AWWWWW YEAHHHHH. Or if you're the tank and your healer is female.... AWWWW YEAHHHH. We need more womens as tanks. Or healers. Or both. AWWWWWW YEEAAHHHHHHHH.

Me Heal You Long Time

Which then makes you think. Boy, us healers are whores. Everyone's looking for our "special services" and every group needs one. And those of us that are more... "experienced" tend to have a client list of people who like us healing them. The crappy ones are just doing it wrong. Hmmmm. Healers are prostitutes... Yeyah. I'm gonna make a guild comprised entirely of healers. And I'll be the pimp. Be like, "BITCH! What's your +Healing at?!" I could pimp out my guildies for gold. It's like, HEY! You aint at quota. Is Holynub gonna have to choke a druid?! Ahhh... That would be amazing if that actually worked.

LFM Kara Orgey

This makes every raid/instance a big orgey. Think about THAT next time you run Kara. You know that sticky feeling you get when you have a HoT on you. Yeah.. It's what you think it is. I hope you all enjoyed this demented view of WoW. This is what Holy thinks about when he's clicking on grid and healing everyone.

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